Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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