would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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