WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
