youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
