Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize