Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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