dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
