I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
