I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
