My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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