Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize