am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just tell him i said nine months
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
