420 ftw
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
