it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
