Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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