Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
