remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
