I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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