i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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