he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
