I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
