booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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