I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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