I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
