Don't make out with my wife yet
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
