So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
