I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
