Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
