Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You need Xanax blowdarts
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
