OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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