I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
