I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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