This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
