So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
