Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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