I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize