her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize