I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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