My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
