I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This gyro tastes like lonliness
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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