The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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