oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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