When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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