u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
