she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
