We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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