After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize