I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
