KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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