Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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