How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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