Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
