i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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