I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
