Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
