I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
