so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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