Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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