somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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