woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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