Got a toothbrush?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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