I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
