3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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