I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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