You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
