Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
