I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
